„People always ask me, “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Well, I don’t have an alibi.“

Emo Phillips

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Other funny quotes

Whatever it is, I didn’t do it!
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.
Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.
I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.
A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road.